if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Of course I have a pirate flag
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
