Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
