My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
