I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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