Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jerry, you need to find god
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
