Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My balls are so social today.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
