1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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