Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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