she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
