Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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