you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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