all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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