I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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