a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
