My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
