I didn't shave. On purpose
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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