I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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