so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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