I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
