Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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