dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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