K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
