I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
why is half of my head shaved?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
