____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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