hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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