So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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