There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
