Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
