I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
