I can text with my tongue
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
