i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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