I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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