Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
