Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
