Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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