I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
