I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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