i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
