THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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