WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
