Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
