saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
