What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
