my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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