Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
