Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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