we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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