What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
