The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
