So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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